Breathing

Breathing...slowly...

I was sitting back today...and analyzing my current situation...trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel...hoping to squint my eyes and reach some new visual...

...so I went to my optometrist...my vision is getting worse...and I bought a pair of glasses...literally...

and here I am again...looking over the past seven months and considering what a journey this has been. It's really crazy that I have really been back in Ga since...?!?...January 13th? I think something along those lines...

And what have I figured out? Nothing...I'm still clueless...a little more jaded...and back to having moral questions when talking to God...

I guess I really thought that coming back and walking around for a while would allow me to take time to think "deep" thoughts and reach an epiphany...all conveniently done in a time frame that would allow me to head back to The Hill, motivated to continue studies in Higher Education so I can become an contributing member of the ever-upwardly-mobile black upper middle class echelon...

...instead...

....I'm here....and I don't necessarily know where HERE is exactly...and I don't think I want to define it just yet, because that would be kinda depressing...

and I don't know how long HERE is going to be home...but I don't want it to be much longer...as long as it doesn't get worse...

I'm being careful for what I'm wishing...

I kinda miss the days where my wants and my needs were pretty explicitly explained...such as, I really need to change my nail appointment because I have to do my hair first...so my nails don't get messed up...REALLY...

Now, my needs outweigh my haves and my wants...and because I'd rather not stress myself completely out...I settle for some of my wants...I know that doesn't really help the situation..but...I dare not care about that right now...

I'm stuck...really...
....frustration isn't attractive...
but who gives a F%$&...
I'm in dire need of a worthy distraction...

but I doubt that's going to be welcome...even if it comes...
because I've got to be too focused right now...