So, a recent event has brought to mind memories...memories that I'd rather not continue thinking about, but nonetheless...into the past I slip
Love...is crazy. I remember how it felt to look deeply into brown eyes that filled me with nostalgia...then filled my brown eyes with tears. I learned some hard lessons...and because of that, I was a harsh teacher myself. Looking back while thinking about recent conversations, I grow ever doubtful that I can fall again. I've gotten comfortable with someone since enough to feel like...he grew on me so I could love him. I feel for the next...because he won't know me very well. The older I get, the better I get at being the mature wifey type...the less of myself comes along with the role I play. It's safe...well, sort of safe...
Here's the kicker...when I see friends who are heartbroken and feeling sick because they have to face the facts that He just is NOT it...I feel slightly...envious. I mean, I'm not WANTING to be hurt by someone...but sometimes I want to relive that free-falling so fast that I'm floating type feeling...just one more time. It feels like all hell when you hit the bottom....but it was worth the experience!
Instead...I prepare myself for disappointments...I'm ready for rejection...[not really...but...oh well] and I'm braced for impact...Maybe it's really true that real love only comes once...yeah...you can get used to being with someone so much that it's hard to picture yourself without them...but it's not impossible....
I miss him...a lot...every now and then I take a trip back down memory lane...glance at his myspace page [telling too much info...yeah...I know] and wonder how he's living...if he ever thinks about me...if what I stare off in the distance for was just a figment of my overactive teenage imagination...or if he really cared...I guess that's all I want to know
I don't think I could handle as much heartache as I see them go through...now that I think about it. I have my one recquisitioned heart ache...and it's all I can do to carry that burden. Until then...I'll keep on giving...just enough...to not get hurt so much...
because....it's as safe as I want to be....for now
Because Hell is not a Place....
............it's an obsession....with a name...a voice....a face......
Love...is crazy. I remember how it felt to look deeply into brown eyes that filled me with nostalgia...then filled my brown eyes with tears. I learned some hard lessons...and because of that, I was a harsh teacher myself. Looking back while thinking about recent conversations, I grow ever doubtful that I can fall again. I've gotten comfortable with someone since enough to feel like...he grew on me so I could love him. I feel for the next...because he won't know me very well. The older I get, the better I get at being the mature wifey type...the less of myself comes along with the role I play. It's safe...well, sort of safe...
Here's the kicker...when I see friends who are heartbroken and feeling sick because they have to face the facts that He just is NOT it...I feel slightly...envious. I mean, I'm not WANTING to be hurt by someone...but sometimes I want to relive that free-falling so fast that I'm floating type feeling...just one more time. It feels like all hell when you hit the bottom....but it was worth the experience!
Instead...I prepare myself for disappointments...I'm ready for rejection...[not really...but...oh well] and I'm braced for impact...Maybe it's really true that real love only comes once...yeah...you can get used to being with someone so much that it's hard to picture yourself without them...but it's not impossible....
I miss him...a lot...every now and then I take a trip back down memory lane...glance at his myspace page [telling too much info...yeah...I know] and wonder how he's living...if he ever thinks about me...if what I stare off in the distance for was just a figment of my overactive teenage imagination...or if he really cared...I guess that's all I want to know
I don't think I could handle as much heartache as I see them go through...now that I think about it. I have my one recquisitioned heart ache...and it's all I can do to carry that burden. Until then...I'll keep on giving...just enough...to not get hurt so much...
because....it's as safe as I want to be....for now
Because Hell is not a Place....
............it's an obsession....with a name...a voice....a face......
No comments:
Post a Comment